A Cake For Hana
by Icewind Alchemist
Summary: It's Hanataro's Birthday, and Icewind wants to make a cake for him. But then her not-so evil counterpart steals the cake, resulting in a furious authoress, followed by her crazy sister and a desperate hollow. Beware of plot holes, crazy gals, and kissing!
1. A Cake For Hana

My first humor! And…that's about it. Oh! BTW, for those of you who don't know, Wolf is my older sister and my real name is Sam (That's all I'm giving!).

**If I created Bleach, I would not be making fanfictions, the series would be crappy, and there would probably be an angry mob outside my door. However, the creator is Tite Kubo, who probably does NOT write fanfictions, does NOT make a crappy series, and hopefully does NOT have an angry mob outside his door.**

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It was a bright and sunny day (okay, more of bleak, rainy and oh so dreary) for March 31. Inside a house, Icewind was completely bored out of her mind (who wouldn't be?). Her parents were out, her little brother was at Boy scouts, and her sister...she didn't even want to know what Wolf was doing.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" Icewind yelled. "If I have to go through another minute of boredom, I swear I'm going to finally fall off the edge of insanity." (her siblings were trying to get her to fall off for a long time.) Just so she would have something to do, the authoress walked over to her calendar, which was currently displaying a shifty Urahara for the month.

"Might as well change to April." Icewind muttered, before sniffling. "Good-bye, Mr. Hat n' Clogs." She was nearly sobbing as she changed the month to April. Her sobbing immediately stopped and was replaced by a look of slight annoyance. "Great…Byakuya. Then again, I wish he was on July instead, seeing as that's 'the bastard' and 'Mr.Smiley.'" (for those of you trying to figure this out, she was talking about Aizen and Gin respectively.) Thankfully Icewind wasn't completely bemoaning her least favorite characters on her birth month too much, or she wouldn't have noticed the date on the calendar. "So tomorrow's April Fool's day and-" her eyes widened.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" All over the neighborhood, dogs began barking and confused pedestrians looked around in confusion for the source of the scream.

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!" Icewind was talking at an incredible pace. "IT'S HANA'S BIRTHDAY!"

Within seconds, the once slightly tidy room became a disaster zone. Everything was torn through for the sake of finding a present for Hanataro. Yet the authoress turned up empty-handed. "Crap…I can't find anything for Hana…" For the second time that day, the authoress began sobbing.

"Icewind! Keep it down! I'm busy!" Wolf shouted from her room, which was across from Icewind's. "Now where were we?" A cry of agony caught Icewind's attention. She ran over to the other room.

"Wolf! What are you do…ing…" Icewind's eyes widened and her mouth gaped at the sight before her. Her sister was sitting with a smug look on her face. This would be normal if not for two things. One, "Wolf" and "normal" never went together in the same sentence. ("sane" is also the same as "normal") Second, she was sitting on an all-too familiar albino.

The stunned authoress glanced back and forth between Wolf and Hollow Ichigo. This continued until the later finally got tired of it. "Could you stop staring? This is bad enough as it is."

"S-S-S-S-SIS!" Icewind finally cried out. "What are you doing on top of Hichi…Shiro…Ogihc…Whatever his name is?! NANASHI!"

"NANASHI?! Where?!" Wolf's attention was diverted elsewhere, looking for one of her favorite characters. The hollow, however, was a little more peeved. (actually, "little" was an understatement.)

"Oi! What's the big idea of trying to get my name right, which is completely pointless since I don't have one, and then giving me one that doesn't fit at all?!"

"It DOES fit, moron! 'Nanashi' means 'nameless!' And since you don't have a name, it fits!"

"No it doesn't, idiot! Giving me a name, even one like that, means I DO have a name, so the meaning doesn't fit at all!"

"Would you rather I name you Paul?!"

"…No. Nanashi's fine. I'm having enough torture from this gal."

"What's she doing to you?"

Hollow Ichigo's face scrunched up in a way that suggested he was suffering at the hands of the crazier sister. "She and I are having a contest to see who's more insane. And she's actually doing alright so far. Does she torture you, too?"

"Actually, not that much. Why do you ask?"

"'Cause you were sobbing awhile ago."

Icewind's eyes watered up as she began sobbing again. "IT'S 'CAUSE I CAN'T FIND A PRESENT FOR HANA!" She was hiccupping as she sobbed.

"Get him a cake." Wolf's attention had gone back to her sister, seeing as she couldn't find Nanashi. "Everyone loves cake."

Icewind's tears immediately dried up and her face brightened with a big smile. "Yay! Thanks, sis! I'll get started on the cake right away!"

"Sam! You're next!" Icewind's mom yelled. The big grin was replaced with a scowl similar to a certain strawberry's. "Great. I'm going to be picked on. Again." The authoress trudged off to her fate.

Hollow Ichigo stared as she left. "Jeez. From sobbing to smiling to scowling. Your sister is either bipolar or PMSing. And the scowl's similar to King's. What's up with that?"

"Don't ask. Now where were we?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!"

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Pluck.

"Ow."

Pluck.

"Ow."

Pluck.

"Ow."

"Sam, are you going to say that every time I pluck your eyebrows?"

"Yes."

"Nevermind…you're done anyways. Fly, be free."

"HUZZAH! Now to work on Hana's cake!" Icewind ran into the kitchen and began gathering ingredients left and right. Her mother simply sighed. She had given up asking long ago.

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Icewind's eyes were glued onto the oven door as she waited for the cake to bake. "You know, a watched pot never boils." Her mother commented. "Or…in this case, a watched cake never bakes."

"Don't…care…."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

"What was that?"

"Don't ask."

"Okaaayyyy…I won't."

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Ding!

"YAY! IT'S DONE!" Icewind squealed as she pulled the cake out of the oven. "Now for the fun part! Decorating!" She began to busy herself with the frosting, icing, and other miscellaneous items. Pretty soon, the cake was ready to be delivered to a certain Squad four member.

"What's this, Icewind?" an all-too familiar voice chirped. Icewind turned and glared at her slightly-evil counterpart, Firewind. "A cake? For whom? Ichigo, perhaps? Have you finally come to terms with your emotions?"

"Yeah…I've come to terms with them long ago…" Icewind magically pulled out a wooden sword. "I've come to terms with the fact YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS PLANET!!" She swung at her counterpart, but Firewind dodged, grabbed the cake, and began to run off.

"Don't worry, Icewind! I'll make sure the cake gets to your precious strawberry!"  
"DAMN IT, FIREWIND! HE'S NOT MY PRECIOUS STRAWBERRY! I EAT STRAWBERRIES! (no, I'm not a cannibal OR a hollow.) GIVE BACK THE CAKE!!"

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Wolf had halted her torture on the albino and groaned. "Great…Firewind's at it again. Why can't she actually be evil and sadistic like you?"

"She's that bad?"

"She's an annoyance. Come on. If you help me, I swear I'll stop."

"What are we waiting for?!"

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ANNNNNNNDDDDD….That's it! For now…


	2. And a Hug For Me

Will I get the cake back? You'll have to read to find out!

BTW, Happy Birthday, Hana! I'll get the cake to you soon!

**Bleach and its characters are © of Icewind Alchemist (Along with Naruto and its characters)**

**This fan fiction and the characters in it are © of Tite Kubo and Masashi Kishimoto. (They did a collab.)**

**Enjoy! Oh, and read the bottom note please.**

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The chase had now turned into an epic stare down; Icewind glaring at her smug counterpart. "Firewind, I swear I will get the cake back from you if it's the last thing I do!" The authoress shouted bravely.

"No, the last thing you'll do is at least kiss Ichigo." Firewind proclaimed proudly. Icewind did a face palm and sighed, exasperated.

"Who am I kissing?" A confused strawberry wandered in out of nowhere. Firewind did a happy dance. Plot holes ruled.

"Yatta! You're finally here, Ichi-kun!" Firewind squealed. Icewind did an epic face palm, once again exasperated. This time by the butchering of the Japanese language. Her counterpart, meanwhile, skipped over to the substitute shinigami and proudly held out the box containing Icewind's sweat and tears (not really though-because than the box would be soggy). "Here you go, Ichigo! It's from Icewind!" she said in a sing-song voice. Icewind was now pretty sure she would die from a concussion soon.

"Umm…this isn't for me." Ichigo told her as he looked into the box.

"Yes it is! I even wrote a note on the box 'To Ichi-kun, from Icewind!'"

"But the cake says 'Happy Birthday, Hana.'"

"Ehhhhh…."

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion that sent everyone flying. Luckily this was all magically taking place in the middle of nowhere and this is fictional, so nobody got hurt (the poor guy! He's a great marksmen!). When the dust cleared, Wolf and Hollow Ichigo were standing proudly. Well, the former was at least. The latter was coughing up dust from the explosion.

"Yo, Sis!" Wolf shouted. "We're here to help deliver the cake!" She slapped the albino on the back to help his breathing.

"OW! JESUES, WOMAN!" Said albino shouted. "STOP THAT!"

Ichigo, meanwhile was staring in shock. "Do I even WANT to know what's going on?" he asked Icewind. The authoress simply shrugged and said nothing. Ichigo handed the box to her. "Umm…here, I guess. If you made it, I guess it's yours."

"Thanks." Icewind took the box, handed it to Wolf, than glared over at Firewind, wooden sword back out. Hollow Ichigo scoffed.

"What the Hell is she planning to do with that stick?" He asked. "Beat that other girl on the head until she gets a concussion?"

Wolf grinned. "Great idea! Sis! Did you hear what he said?! Try that!" A split second later, a pair of pale legs were sticking up. A few feet off a darker pair was seen in the same position.

"Okay! But first I wanna know something!" Icewind turned to Firewind. "Why the Hell do you think Ichigo, a guy who technically does not exist in this world (but don't tell him that!), and me, a girl who pretty much just sits on her ass in front of a computer all day, would make a good couple?! I mean, I'm an IchiRuki fan for crying out loud!"

"Well it's simple, Ice-chan!" Firewind giggled. Wolf and Icewind sighed once again at the Japan butchering. "For starters, you two share the same birthday!"

"So do Haru and Lucia! And that pairing only exists in fanfiction!"

"Okay, how about the fifty-percent chance you two have the same blood type!"

"Once again, Haru and Lucia!"

"Both your names start with 'I!'"

"That's my penname! And Haru and Lucia have two letters in common!"

"You always sit in either the 'I' or 'K' seats on the bus!"

"That's 'cause they're normally empty! And I like empty seats!"

"See! It's destiny!"

"DESTINY CAN KISS MY ASS!"

"Good thing there aren't any gals named 'Destiny' around here." Wolf murmured. "Mary-sues, however, aren't as much as a problem.

"I don't even know what's going on here." Ichigo muttered.

"Ummm…RUBBER CHICKENS!" Wolf suddenly shouted.

"And that's more intelligent than what Icewind's counterpart is using for reasoning!" Ichigo shouted.

"For once, King." Hollow Ichigo began. "We are in agreement."

Wolf's face suddenly went from confused to horrified. "SIS! ICHIGO AND HICHIGO AGREED ON SOMETHING! TAKE COVER!" No sooner did she shout the warning did a meteor come and land on top of her.

The two look-alikes stared at the meteor for awhile. "Woah…isn't there a small chance of that happening?" Ichigo asked. His hollow, meanwhile, was doing the happy-dance (That or it was the "gotta pee" dance). "What are you so happy about?"

"She's dead!" The albino cheered. "She's dead! She's dead! She's dead! She can't torture me any-"

"I'm back!" Wolf magically reappeared two Jamba Juices© in her hands. "Here's your juice, Sis!" Icewind took one of the containers and sipped, a look of bliss on her features.

"Ah! Nothin' like a good Berry Lime Sublime© to get through the day!" Icewind sighed happily.

"W-Wait a minute!" Hollow Ichigo sputtered. "She got hit by a meteor!"

"Oh yeah, which reminds me!" Wolf smacked the albino and his counterpart on their heads. "Be careful when you do that!"

"Do what?!"

"Agree on something! When Inuyasha and Koga agreed on something, Krakatoa blew up!"

"ICEWIND! YOU WILL NOT IGNORE ME OR YOUR UNDENIABLE FEELINGS FOR ICHI-KUN!" Firewind screamed. The sky darkened, lightning flashed, and the authoress's counterpart glowed with a demonic energy.

Hollow Ichigo did a low whistle. "Wow…can she back that up?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Wolf sighed.

"And…she's using it to get me and Icewind together?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes. Sad, isn't it?"Icewind asked.

"Hell yeah!" The albino yelled. "If I had that kind of power, I'd have taken over King long ago!" Suddenly, Icewind snapped her fingers and smiled.

"I've got it! I know how we can stop Firewind!"

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"ICEWIND?! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Firewind boomed. Her eyes suddenly went from shock! "C-Could it be?!"

It was. A blushing Icewind was holding hands with Ichigo. Both were looking into the other's eyes.

"Umm…I just want to say that for a long time…" The two were leaning close now. "…That I've had feelings for you." The two pressed their lips together.

"YEEEEEESSSSS!!" Firewind cheered. "They're finally together. And-Wait a minute! I don't have a purpose anymore!"

POOF!

"Phew, what a day!" Icewind walked out from behind a nearby rock with Ichigo, Wolf, and Hollow Ichigo. Naruto was grinning and scratching the back of his head and Hinata had passed out on the ground. "Thanks for your help guys!"

"No problem!" Naruto shouted, a blush still on his face. "But Hinata wasn't doing so well at first-I had to hold her up while we kissed! So where's the free ramen?!"

"Right through here!" Icewind opened up a hole out of nowhere and gestured towards it. "Oh, and take Hinata with you! It will only count if the two of you are together!"

As the two geninin went through the hole (one of them on the other's back), Hollow Ichigo coughed. "Umm…just how did that work?"

"Simple. Firewind's only purpose in life was to get me and Ichigo together. When she saw Naruto and Hinata kissing, who looked like the two of us at the time, that purpose was fulfilled. That's also why it's dangerous for you to have full control-you don't have anything else planned!"

The albino grumbled. "Fine! I'll think of a goal…THEN I'LL TAKE OVER KING!" A maniacal laugh followed soon afterwards as he disappeared back into the sideways world.

"By the way, Icewind…" Wolf started. "That whole chase and not-so-epic battle took up a whole day. It's nine PM now!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!! HANA'S BIRTHDAY IS ALMOST OVER!!" Icewind grabbed the box, opened another plot hole, and dashed through. (Later on, Wolf returned Ichigo to the kitchen table, his family confused as to why he suddenly vanished and reappeared out of thin air.)

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"What a day…" Hanataro groaned. "Why did my birthday have to be on April Fool's Day?" Just like every year, he had gotten pranked by other shinigami instead of getting presents (actually, he did get a few.).

"HANA!" The squad four member was shocked to see an odd girl suddenly run in, a box in her arms. "Thank goodness I'm not late! Here!" she thrusted the box at Hanataro, who opened it cautiously, expecting another prank.

Instead, he found a beaten up glob that used to be a cake. "Ummm…what's this supposed to be?" he asked the girl. Taking a look inside, Icewind gasped, her eyes watering up, and she burst into tears.

"NOOOO!! After going through plot holes, my crazed counterpart, and sweet lovers it's ruined! I'm so sorry!" Waterfalls were pouring from her eyes. Hanataro, meanwhile, was shocked.

"You…went through all that trouble…just to get a cake for me?" Hanataro asked slowly. The authoress nodded…and was surprised by a pair of thin arms wrapping around her. "That's sweet!"

Icewind was stunned, but then hugged back. "Here, it's not much but a hug is the most I can give to you. Happy Birthday, Hana."

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YAY! Sweet ending!

BTW, ignore the disclaimer at the top. That's my April Fool's prank.


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